Two is Better Than One

So here is the follow-up post to Benton's Birth story about how I adjusted to having two children. (I still can't believe I'm a mom, let alone a mother of two!!) Anyways, the two things that I noticed were affected the most were 1) my emotions. (no surprise there) and 2) how to balance and divvy up my time. Let me just be frank: it was hard. Let me be frank again: it was surprisingly easy! Confusing, right? Ya, I know, I was just as confused as you. So what was so hard and what was so easy about it? Well, I'll start off by diving into the shallow end with the easy part first.

Before Ben came along I honestly couldn't remember how to raise a newborn. I didn't remember how to nurse (or if I even wanted to again because it sort of weirded me out for some reason) I didn't remember how to read babies' cues of whether they were hungry, whether they were gassy, whether they just needed a diaper change, or whether they were just plain old tired. I couldn't remember how I had enough energy to make it through each day after being up all throughout the night. Honestly, I just didn't remember a lot of things. And for all of you moms who are about to have your second baby, the good news is it that it really does all come back! "It would just be like riding a bike" is the expression I would hear over and over again. And it was! Obviously I had to tweak a few things here and there because no two babies are exactly alike, but you'll be surprised how quickly you pick up on your new babies cues. I'm also nursing again and the weirdness is totally gone. And my inner superwoman is making it through the days despite lack of sleep. Funny how it all works out! (and it's amazing how strong we moms really are!)

That was the easy part. What was hard for me was the adjustment with Laikyn, just like I knew it would be. Yes, everybody was right, your love totally multiplies and it's amazing how you can feel love for both of your children! But the time ... oh man, the time! It was so hard/and is still hard having to figure out how to show your love and letting them feel that love towards both of your children during the day. I'm so grateful for how independent Laiky is in the fact that she'll go play by herself and be totally content for a while. I'm also grateful about how much she loves Ben! (She loves him a little too much sometimes, if ya know what I mean.) But I can't focus on her like I used to be able to and I've had to become wayyy more strict with her since Ben has come around. That's been hard on me, having to discipline her more often now. A new sibling definitely makes the older one grow up faster. They have to. It's just the way it is. And I feel guilty about that. I also feel guilty that I can't play with her like I used to.

Obviously Ben is a newborn, and I can't do much about that. He needs a lot of attention and I love giving it! But because of all the attention Ben gets, Laikyn will start acting out throughout the day. I've been learning how to incorporate her into everything we do to make her feel a little more part of the action. I ask her to get the diapers for me, and she loves it! She also grabs his soother and his blanket and gives that to him constantly throughout the day without even being asked. She'll grab the wipes for me as well and she'll even take the dirty diapers to the garbage. Not only does she love it, but my lazy self loves it even more! haha.The other thing I try to do is to nurse Ben in her play room or around wherever she is at that particular moment in time. Even though I can't play with her as much anymore, if I can still be engaged with her while she plays alone she's wayyy happier throughout the day. I also make her go bring me books for us to read while nursing as well. Or we'll watch a show together (but I find watching shows together is the least effective in lightening her mood, but you gotta do what you gotta do) And then the other thing I do is try to get some good quality time with her while Ben sleeps. (yes, if you're wondering, the house is a disaster. There's really not much time for it these days. But it's all about good, better, best and for this season of my life a clean house isn't taking priority at the moment)

The other reason I can't play with her like I used to is because my body won't let me. You know how it is after pushing out a baby ;) Before having Benny Boy I used to run my little toosh all day long around this tiny 500 square-foot house! And Laikyn was always leading the way. After Ben came along she would want me to get up and dance around like we used to, but I just physically couldn't. And anytime I can't dance when I want to I'm sad about it, let alone when it's my own little daughter asking me to!

It really is such a big adjustment. Some things that I want to say I just can't quite adequately put into words. You'll just have to experience it for yourself. But what I can tell you is that at the end of the day, things really are better with two! Watching Laikyn love her little brother is so darling and when he smiles back at her I seriously melt all over the floor. My love for them is out of this world and I know it's only going to get more and more fun with two, just like it did with one!
Looking back on these past 8 weeks, if I could give one piece of advice to myself it would probably be this: Take things in stride and have patience. Laugh off the little things. You don't always have to have it together all the time (or even half of the time if you're like me!) That is one-thousand percent okay! You will have days that are hard and where it feels more like work than enjoyment, and that's okay too! Don't get discouraged if you feel discouraged. It makes the sweet moments that much more meaningful. And when those moments arise where you think you could literally rip every strand of hair right out of your head, you will still feel an underlying sense of peace that you are doing the noblest of callings in the whole world -- you are being a mom.

happy 8 weeks today, Ben!

^^ps. I don't know how photographers
snap sibling pics with newborns.
They are so talented! Right after this
shot she tried to lift him up. haha
Good thing newborns aren't fragile....

pps. anybody have any other tips about how to raise 2 kids??
The struggle is real sometimes.
Leave me a comment on what's been working for you.
I'd love to hear it!